40

today i am 40 weeks pregnant.  the app on my phone that has had a count down on it says "TODAY IS THE DAY!" its funny because i've been looking forward to this day for a really long time. most of the time when you look forward to a certain date, you get the "prize" on that day. like when you have been waiting for a vacation, someone to return home. ya know? well, in the back of my mind i've known that a due date doesn't mean i would have the baby that exact day but i never realized how much i needed it to be the day. yeah, he could have come anytime before today, today is here and he isn't. and he is most likely not coming today.

i am 40 weeks pregnant... and still not dilated.  does this happen? i want to be holding my baby. i am a little sick of being prego. im big, and hot. i feel anxious about everything. i am really tired. obviously i am throwing myself a little pity party today, sorry. j is so positive, he always reminds me how lucky we were to get pregnant so fast and how lucky we are to have had a healthy pregnancy. i really do agree. i really just want to have a baby, today.

on monday, when i found out i was still not dilated, my dr. said he couldn't induce me until i was at least a 2. he said, didn't recommend, that i could have a c-section anytime. well, i don't want a c-section.  now i find myself considering it. what if my body just doesn't dilate, ever? my dr. said i could have a cervix softener at 41 and 1/2 weeks. i feel like 41 and 1/2 weeks is like a year away. by that time my baby might weigh 10 lbs. how is that going to work, no epidural and a 10 lb. babe? nope, not happening. most likely i would still need a c-section. AND what if the cervix softener doesn't work? ahh.. i am driving myself nuts.

monday is my next appointment. i NEED my baby to be here by then. or at least some progress. pray for me! has anyone ever not been dilated by this point? i need some advice. thanks.


for now im off to mow the lawn and clean my house. if that doesn't help i'll be at the track running stairs! :)

39 weeks and one day.

yesterday i turned 39 weeks! i cleaned my whole house, did the laundry- including the bedding, mowed the lawn and washed all three dogs. i am READY for this boy to come! his room is ready, his bag is packed. his aunt mern is leaving sunday, she needs to meet him first. please, oh  please come TONIGHT! really tonight would be really great!


@ 37, 38 and 39

the last few weeks have seemed longer then all 39 combined. i am seriously dying to know when he will be in my arms.

feeling a little anxious about the labor.

not dilated at all as of last monday. we will cross our fingers for some progress this monday!

been feeling super crampy the last few days. hopefully something is happening!

had 2 really great showers the last couple weeks. no pictures. you would think i didn't have a camera or a phone with a camera on it with me.
 ---a BIG thank you to ammie for having a shower at her house, my dad for cooking again and my mama for always helping! ammie's shower was so great! she is the best! we got so many great things, thank you to those that came. we feel so lucky to have you in our lives.

and

--- to my ward. people came that i didn't even know. seriously, everyone made me feel so special, like we were bffs from way back. thanks so much! we also got lots of goodies, and we are very grateful!

my little matthew has been super clingly lately. i think he knows it won't be just us 2 for much longer. i will miss him on my 3 weeks off. i am not sure i will be able to handle 3 weeks. he calls the baby beckett, i love it. i never told him that was the babie's name, we still aren't sure, he just chose beckett over the other 2.

the babe has been moving lots lately. i can tell he has no where to go, it seems he just moves his bum from side to side!

why does it seem everyone else is have their babes 2 weeks early lately?

i am losing my brain lately.

every night i dream about what he will look like. i wonder if he will take after his daddy. or maybe look a little like me. i doubt he will have hair, and most likely he will have his daddy's nose. i can't wait to see how big he will be and to see his little toes!

i walk into his room and it almost seems unreal that a baby will be sleeping in that crib any day. most days you can find j in the rocking chair just lounging or studying, it melts my heart. i can't wait to see him rocking his little boy. he is going to be such a good daddy.



we are seriously so so excited that it is getting so close. cross your fingers it won't be much longer. maybe the next blog will have a picture of him!

36 and two days.

two days past 36 weeks. have i mentioned that i am ready for this baby to be in my arms opposed to my belly. i know i am only 36 weeks, the baby still needs to cook, but if he could come tomorrow with no complications i would LOVE it. i went to the dr yesterday and was hoping for just a little progress, NOTHING. not dilated or effaced at all. i am depressed about it. its not even that i need him to come early (not that i would be mad if he did!), i just wanted to be something. ya know?

so @ 35-36 weeks.

i can't sleep, you guys. i am grumpy and i just want to get comfortable for a few hours.

it seems that this numb, tingly, achy right arm of mine is only getting worse. it now bothers me all night and all day.

this boy gets the hiccups quite a bit. i feel bad for him, i don't love the hiccups. but i do love feeling him inside me.

i gained 3 more lbs this week. and i can feel it. and see it!!

bending over feels like i am cutting off my air supply and/or someone punching me in the stomach.

i feel swollen.

i am SO tired. i can't make it a whole day without laying down and sleeping for at least 20 minutes.

i really love feeling him move. i can tell he is running out of room.

i think i noticed a stretch mark. maybe a couple.

i feel like i have nothing ready, like a hospital bag or anything washed. a part of me feels panicky about it and the other part doesn't want a packed bag laying around for the next 4 weeks only to be over prepared.

still wanting to go with no epidural... no new thoughts. just have to see how it goes.

my app says he is the size of a watermelon and is probably around 6.5 lbs.

i kinda think i love the name beckett lately. i think we will spell it bekitt. don't hold me to that, but for today that is his name!

love him and am dying to see what he looks like.


i had two more showers.
thanks to angie who made a delicious lunch and offered up her cute house. she is such a great sil. i am glad to have her in my life and even more glad that she is a part of my family! love her.  thanks to those that came. we got some great things!

and to amy who also had a yummy lunch and invited everyone to her cute house! i suck at taking pictures, and didn't take any at amy's. :( however it was very fun visiting with friends, my mama and mern. i am very grateful for a friend like aim, she is always so willing to do nice things for me! no one knows what i would do without her!

and my hunky hubby ran another marathon. i am so proud of him. what a great accomplishment! look at that bod!

happy birthday to my best guy!

today jordan turns 28. remember how i met him when he was 14? wow, i still remember the first few times i saw him. one of those times my mom gave him a ride home in her convertible, the top was down, he sat on the back with a friend of ours and sang some rap song all the way to his house. boy, did i have a crush on him! over the next few years we kissed a few times, but  HE didn't want anything serious. i really liked him. he may or may not have started dated a friend of mine and i may or may not have been really upset over it, they didn't work out, he said he was sorry and i couldn't help but still really like him. there was always something about jordan that i found special. so a few months before i turned 17 we started dating, being bf/gf, ya know? always in the back of my mind i knew he would be leaving on his mission soon and i didn't know what would happen. i couldn't help myself from really falling for him. i remember in july, the 10th of 2003 to be exact, i knew that i loved him. i couldn't tell him though, he was leaving in just 2 short months. we had so much fun that summer. we hung out pretty much everyday. we went to concerts and murrray pool. and then  on a hot summer night (August 26th 2003) we were driving to a friends bday party in that same convertible, in the middle of the road, he slammed on the breaks, looked over at me and said "you know i love you, right?" best night. i remember it like it was yesterday. then he left, lots more years went by and look at us now! just a few nights ago we were talking about those days, if we ever thought we would be here today. and the answer is no. but i am so glad that we are. i love him, i love the memories we have. i love that i have known him since i was a kid. he is so so special to me! i couldn't ask for someone better. he loves me and takes care of me. he supports me in all my adventures. he encourages me to be better. cheers me up when i am down. makes me laugh so hard, because he really is quite funny. when i look into his eyes i see my future. he is going to be the best dad. i can't wait to see him hold this little boy for the first time. i hope jordan knows how much i appreciate him, i have a hard time showing it most of the time. today, for his birthday i hope he feels as special as he is. i will love him FOREVER.

34 and 1/2 weeks!

you guys i am 34 and a 1/2 weeks, like almost 35. i say and a 1/2 because in my mind 6 weeks seems like forever but 5 and 1/2 sounds SO much better! i gave up on my weekly updates because it was making me depressed looking  back and being further along then the last post. i also found the last few weeks to be really hard. and i am not just talking about being pregnant. (i am sure that has had me a tad bit more emotional)  life has been hard the last few weeks. it seems like there have been multiple things/people  who have let me down, people that were not suppose to do that, ya know? not going into details... i am just glad those few days are over. and this babe is getting closer to being here in my arms because i am ready to meet him!

@31- 34 weeks.

it seems this boy is getting BIG and strong! like no more room in my belly and sometimes those little jabs hurt.
the doc says he is head down and more then likely won't turn at this point.
gained only 1 lb. in the last 4 weeks. which is good.
my feet were swollen last night for the first time.
i like being able to poke at my belly and feeling my baby. its pretty crazy.
my poor poor belly button looks miserable.
no stretch marks yet.
i can rarely wear both my ring and wedding band any more.
i feel like i could cry about most everything lately.
i have major anxiety when the babe is taking it easy. i want him to move around at all times, never stop. not even to sleep. :)
it is HOT! holy cow. i feel like i've never felt it so hot. i am NEVER cold. rarely am i feeling like its a good temp inside or out. and then i went to las vegas (more on that later) but we couldn't even get out of the pool it was so hot.
i have been having major heart burn. i feel like acid is running up and down my throat.
night time just seem to get harder and harder. i am so tired but can't sleep. either a: my arms asleep. b: both my feet are asleep or c: i can't stop thinking about the baby moving.
i have been feeling super tired lately, i think its a mixture of not sleeping and growing this little guy.
my tummy feels like its next to my heart and has little room for food. i get stuffed so fast, and i barely eat anything.
ammie finished up his bedding and i am in LOVE!
the name game is just that a game. we switch names every other day. still the top of our list remains the same.


*we had our first baby shower and i am so grateful for all who came and supported us and this little guy. i have a few more showers coming up and i am super excited! maybe ill remember to take a few pictures.


*here i am the day before i turned 34 weeks!

 *my dad had a birthday. i love him. and couldn't ask for a better daddy! can't wait to see him with his grand baby, who he likes to call kobe jordan. :)


* me and j went to vegas. i am so glad e made it possible for us to spend some time together alone. we didn't really do anything and i think that is what made it so special for me. it was so nice to just be with jordan, no distractions. we didn't have to work. or take care of the dogs. or clean. or water the lawn. it was seriously so nice. again, i suck at taking pictures. but this is part of our room. our room was huge. i love bath tubs and this one was so nice and big!

* crafts. we haven't been doing our monthly girl's night craft. :( but i have been doing some on my own. here is my latest. i made the flags on stands, the star banner and put together the rest! i wish the picture of the window was a little bit better, it looks better in person!

* we went to pool party on the 4th. super fun. we were so tired after we didn't do anything but eat and lay around. perfect 4th if you ask me. i am NOT a firework person.

* and my flowers. i love my flowers. i wish i could have pretty gardens year round. maybe we should move to california.

*look at this little guy, he is getting so big. lately he has made my days full of fun. he will be 2 in just a few weeks. crazy how big he is getting.

* we went to a friends concert. super fun. glad there were places for me to sit. (this was the night my feet got a tad swollen. this pic is awesome, huh? jordan took it! 

*and last but not least. our dogs are still alive. my patients runs thin most days with just about everyone/thing including them. but they are super cute and i love them. they just need a pill to calm them sometimes. 

30

i decided to skip week 29. it really was the same as the last few weeks! i am very excited to be 30 weeks. only 10 more to go. it seems like saying 10 weeks means its like going to happen any second. like in my head counting down from 10 is cake.  but lets be honest 10 weeks is still 2 and 1/2 months. wow. thats not any second. hopefully july will go by fast since we have tons planned. and i am sure august will go by super slow and be way hot.

** i just wanted to inform you that these are always a week behind. like i am almost 31 weeks but i like to update with what happened during the week i am writing about. ya know? **

@ 30 weeks.



baby boy is moving and grooving lately. i love it!

j called him matix this week. last week it was jameson. the week before j called him beckett. so we still aren't sure. my favorite for today is jameson. ahh... so hard.

i started to get heart burn.

my throat thing is back with a vengeance, maybe has something to do with the heart burn.

i feel like his little legs are getting longer and can now feel them up in my ribs.

his room is almost complete. :) love love love how it is coming along.

when he kicks or hits or pokes his bum out, its like you can feel that part of him and then he moves it. amazing!


fathers day was this week. and can i just say i have the best fathers in my life. i love my dad, f.i.l and i just know that jordan is going to be such a good daddy.

its been HOT! i think maybe it could cool down a tad and i would be happy happy! oh and did i mention that our a/c stopped working last night? as if i needed something else to interfere with me sleeping. i am pretty sure jordan was hating his life too. and the poor dogs were panting like crazy. the house was hotter inside then out. neat!

while we are talking about sleeping, i am not sure my body knows how to relax. i seriously cannot get comfortable, its one thing or the next.

last night i am pretty sure he got the hiccups for the first time. (that i noticed! maybe he has had them before

my mind has been racing lately, i can't stop and just take a second.

this boy is now over 3 lbs. so says the app on my phone.

i am measuring big. not that this means really anything.

i only gained 1 lb. in 2 weeks!

is it august yet?

28

pregnancy questionnaire.


how far along? although i am 29 weeks today, this is a post about being 28 weeks.
weight gain: 20.
maternity clothes? i have only bought one pair of maternity pants and never wear them because they don't have the big belly band. so thanks to amy i now have a few pairs of really comfy maternity pants. which are only worn occasionally. i usually just wear my XL sweat pants like i did before i was prego. and i have bought some maxi skirts which i love wearing they are so so comfy. shirts, i just wear what i have.
stretch marks? i have these red veins lookin things around my belly but i am not sure that they are stretch marks.
sleep? what is that? i am not joking last night was the worst night ever! i think i got one hour of sleep the whole night. no matter what position i was in my right arm fell asleep, so annoying. and have i mentioned that i really need some sleep?
best moment of the week: also last night. this boy was kicking like crazy and just decided to leave his leg extended and when i felt my belly i could feel his foot. insta smile! i love him so much already.. sleep or no sleep!
miss anything? i really miss running outside in the sun and working out. hopefully after this baby is out i will remember i said this and lose that before mentioned 20 lbs quickly! ( + some)
food cravings? anything that i don't have to cook. i never really enjoyed cooking but now i would almost rather not eat then have to cook something. oh, and i love sweet things. i.e. eggos, whipped cream, candy, cake.. i have serious sweet tooth which is weird because before i was pregnant i rarely craved sweet things.
anything making you sick? i am so glad the majority of the sickness has come and gone!
gender: boy. this week jordan called the baby beckitt. last week it was jameson. ha!!
labor signs: none. hopefully it stays that way for a few more weeks!
belly button? still in. its like a gaping hole it has stretched so much. i am curious to see if it pops out.
wedding ring? still on. getting tighter!
happy or moody most of  the time? moody. sorry guys.
looking forward to? seeing what this boy looks like! holding him. laying on my tummy to sleep. not worrying about less movement. (i probably should stop looking at the internet. everywhere i turn there is a sad story about a mom losing her babe.) naming this guy. smelling him! i think one thing i am so excited for is seeing jordan with him. can't wait!